The Evolution of Exhaustion

exhaustionThis journey began way back in early January although I didn’t get clued in to the new plan until a week before my 40th birthday in early February.  Then I held on to the secret from everyone, even my husband for another two weeks.  That is a whole other blog post, the telling, that I’ll post about later.

No one bothers to tell you about all the little downsides to being pregnant. My two least favorite are the physical limitations and the exhaustion.  Both of these get in my way.  A lot. In the beginning I was still riding my beloved gelding, Fox.   He is the love of my horsey life.  Not that I don’t still love the bossy High Queen herself, aka Seneca, but Fox is a cuddler, very vocal and far more laid back then Seneca will ever be.

And I’ve gotten off track.  Again.  That’s another fun little thing that comes up with being pregnant.  Baby brain or pregnancy brain is REAL!  You forget things, all the freaking time.  Anyway back to the topic.  I was still riding in the beginning and then I hit the first trimester hurdle.  Exhaustion.  It was constant, aggressive and no matter how much sleep I got it never got better until I was in to the second trimester.

Thankfully through some quirk of genetics in the female line of my family I did not have morning sickness.  Thank you all that is holy!  I did have a moment or two of unsettled stomach but nothing like what books, movies and over eager mommies like to describe to you.

The exhaustion though made it really hard to do anything with my horses.  It was an effort just to groom them much less get the tack out, groom, tack up, ride, untack, groom again and turn my beloved pony back out.  It was just too much on most days.

Then blessedly the second trimester began.  Most of my issues went away.  I was no longer Monday after a horse trial weekend tired, I was still without the physical limitations that would come later and I felt pretty freaking great.  Except that I’d stopped riding at that point because my beloved red pony couldn’t really be trusted not to do something stupid while all my muscles had gone to pregnancy jelly. Thanks again Universe for ruining my ENTIRE eventing season!  Because getting pregnant in January means I won’t be getting back on my pony until late November or early December after the fall season has ended.  Yippee.

Now I’m at the beginning of the third trimester.  Only 69 days to go! And along with all the really fun things that again no one tells you about, like the baby constantly sitting on your bladder so that even after you pee, you still feel like you have to pee and the exhaustion has returned.  It’s not as bad as it was in the beginning but it’s still kicking my butt.  It’s more the afternoon after a really intense lesson with your coach tired than Monday after a long horse trial tired.

 

asleep

Yesterday I had aspirations of grooming the red pony.  I drove down my driveway and saw him happily grazing in vacation oblivion and I really wanted to groom him.  I figured I’d go in to the house, change, come back out and groom him for a few minutes.  The weather was even cooperating by being in the mid-eighties versus the soul sucking heat it has been the last three weeks or so.  Except that I went in to the house changed clothes and sprawled on the couch.  It’s like all the stress of the day, all the holding it together at work and endeavoring not to fall asleep at my desk (it’s happened, a lot) hit me at once and I just couldn’t muster the energy to do more than flip on the TV.

Superhubs made dinner and I managed to wrangle myself off the couch long enough to go feed my ponies and pet each one, even give Fox and Seneca some horse cookies to make up for not spending much time with them the last several months but that was it.  After I ate dinner I dragged myself off to bed.  Because again no matter how much sleep I get it never feels like enough.

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